microwaved lava

on a missed opportunity

look, i know this is not important at all

given the state of … you know … the world

but i just put a frozen-solid meal in the microwave for ten minutes or so, and when i opened the door to remove the lava-like shepherd’s pie, a spider ran right out of the microwave and onto the kitchen counter at top speed

and i have questions

was the spider part of the frozen meal?

i’m going with no, because darn it, i’m hungry, and i’m eating this food

how did a spider survive ten minutes in an active microwave?

seriously, who do i ask about this

and finally, WHERE are the paper towels that are supposed to be on the counter for just such an emergency?

no idea, but there was a nearby box of tissues, which honestly might be a miracle, because we are not a household that can be relied upon to have tissues handy at any given moment, and certainly not on the kitchen counter

anyway, the tissue served its purpose, and that spider has now met its maker

and suddenly i’m realizing

that if i had been bitten by this microwaved spider

i could potentially have become Spiderwoman

but instead i squished it

and now i’m just sitting on the couch, leg elevated in a cast, eating shepherd’s pie

thinking about that

so … ya.