tears, clergywomen and substacks

on reaching out at just the right moment

It hit with no warning, right there, waiting for the metro, early Sunday morning.

I’d been sick most of the week. Slept badly the night before. Plus, this weekend was five months since Rob died, and five months carries no meaning, except that for no discernible reason it did suddenly carry meaning, and the grief hit hard, and I was doing everything I knew to pull my mind and body together, because I’m the pastor and it’s Sunday morning.

Took a deep breath and glanced at my buzzing phone. A message from a respected clergywoman I barely know, part of a different circle than mine, but there aren’t many female clergy in my world, and perhaps the sense of affinity is heightened on a Sunday morning, waiting for the metro.

“Hi Patti, I’m sharing this with some friends and up came your name on substack. Perhaps it will bless you to read it.“

In the past, I had subscribed to the writer whose link she included, but my substack has countless unread articles, and I had unsubscribed from a bunch recently, because-who-am-I-kidding, and thus I would not have read this post any time soon or maybe ever.

But the metro was still entire minutes away, and my mind and body were ignoring my silent commands to pull-it-together-already, and I needed something to focus on, so I opened it.

It’s here, though maybe it won’t catch you the same way it caught me. It’s still catching me today, to be honest.

Anyway. That is how I ended up boarding a mostly-empty metro early Sunday morning, silent tears pouring down my face, remembering that having it together is not a requirement for receiving grace.

And in the end, I didn’t quite pull it together, at least not before gathering to pray with those who would lead the service with me, and owning out loud with them and God that I was “a little bit … (pause) … a lot … broken today”.

And then we went out and welcomed our congregation home, on-site and online, and together we proclaimed Jesus through worship, prayer, Scripture, the Lord’s Supper.

So if you are a clergyperson trying to pull it together (or maybe just falling apart) on a Monday, may I offer you a reminder? The grace that Jesus offers is for you, too.

Yes. You.

Peace.