shaped by the voices of others

on being very clear

I’ve been paying more attention to what shapes me in recent years. Trying to get my head out of my own fairly-familiar world.

People experience life and faith differently, for so many reasons, not the least of which is the bodies in which they experience life and faith.

My own slowly-gained realization of this is exemplified in my reaction, years ago, to a link on a church website. The link was titled, “A Friendly Debate” and was about the question of whether or not women could be pastors. Having already spent years studying that question, and weary of constantly navigating first mine, and then everyone else’s uncertainty, I snapped, “It’s not friendly to ME!” before slamming my laptop closed.

For them, it was a purely academic discussion; for me, it was my life, my faith, my own relationship with God. I didn’t care to hear two strangers debate that, no matter how friendly they thought it was.

So from that head-space, I offer two voices that have been part of shaping me lately. They likely don’t know it. Sometimes they make me uncomfortable.

They’re very clear.

But … so am I. I’ve been told so, more than once.¹

And as someone who apparently has made my share of people uncomfortable, I figure it’s good for me to sit with my discomfort. It’s good for me to question *why* I’m uncomfortable.

is it them? *fingers crossed, please let it be them, that’s so much easier*

or…

is it me? *it’s me. hi. i’m the problem, it’s me*²

Anyway. Joash Thomas is a voice I’m thankful for.

I thought this recent post of his was important. It included this: “After all, topics like white supremacy, colonialism & racism aren’t purely intellectual debates for my people and I - they’re lived, traumatic memories.”

Trey Ferguson is another voice I’m thankful for. I read his post on the same day. It included this: “Jesus was really comfortable serving the people who were not where the power was popularly thought to reside. That was one of His signature moves.”

As I write this, I’m reading “Befriending the Beloved Disciple: A Jewish Reading of the Gospel of John”, as part of prepping for an upcoming series. Adèle Reinhartz is a Jewish woman, a Canadian professor, specializing in New Testament studies. I scanned a couple of chapters this evening, and was captured pretty quickly by thoughts such as this: “Some of you may view this book as a foolish venture. Surely someone outside the Christian faith cannot begin to comprehend the Fourth Gospel, that most spiritual of Gospels. Some of you may see it as a dangerous enterprise that will threaten my Jewish identity. Better not to engage too closely with Christian scriptures, lest I be seduced by the Christian message itself.”

I smile. I want to hear her voice.

She seems very clear.

—

Lord, help me not to fear discomfort. Deepen my faith, even while broadening my understanding. Help me to hear Your voice through all of it. Amen.

1. I remember listening to my District Superintendent describe me. He talked about my participation on his executive, and said something like, “When Patti has some thoughts to offer, she’s very clear.” I was a little surprised, and mentioned to him that I thought I was pretty diplomatic, and he grinned and said, “Oh, you’re very clear.” I took it as a compliment. It’s now a joke among those I work with and those who know me best. I’ve requested that it be put on my tombstone someday: “She was very clear.”

2. Yes, I know it’s a Taylor Swift song. No, I’m not referencing the rest of the song, just that line. Come on, it’s a great line, don’t you think?